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Full Bellies, Democracy & Communal Salvation
Full Bellies in Boston
I am deeply proud of my city, Boston, for an unusual reason. It has nothing to do with one of our famous sports teams. Instead it’s about school lunch: If you attend a Boston public school, regardless of your income, you will receive a free breakfast, snack, lunch, and then final snack if you are in an afternoon program. That is enough calories for a single day, even if you do not have dinner.
Many cities provide free meal programs for school children, but there is often a complicated documentation system that places the burden of proof on families. More often than not, school social workers need to track down documents that are never received. Children inevitably slip through the cracks. More complex than documentation: food insecurity cannot be easily calculated on paper. Some children do not qualify who are food insecure.
Boston decided in 2013 that full bellies were as important as curriculum. Boston ditched the red tape. All children can eat their fill in the Boston public school system. Then Mayor Thomas Menino said it simply: “Every child has a right to healthy, nutritious meals in school.” He then noted the complications of the application system: “This takes the burden of proof off our low-income families and allows all children, regardless of income, to know healthy meals are waiting for them at school every day.” (BostonPublicSchools.org, BPS Offers Universal Free Meals for Every Child).
The church where I serve has partnered with a local school in Boston. The school social worker noticed that children were stuffing their pockets with food on Friday afternoon. And on Monday morning, they couldn’t get enough food into their empty bellies fast enough. Through our food pantry, Rose’s Bounty, we send children home with bags of kid friendly food each Friday to see them through the weekend.
Ever since Covid left our city locked down and our school system closed, I have worried and worried about this particular group of children. I have prayed for them, wondering if their bellies ache at night. The city of Boston has done an excellent job, as have many cities, providing food assistance through local community organizations and at central localities. Our church has offered a weekly pop up food pantry in the school recess yard to try and reach families in need. And still we know that there are children who are malnourished because they do not have the consistency of school breakfast and lunch each day.
I am deeply proud of my city, Boston, for an unusual reason. It has nothing to do with one of our famous sports teams. Instead it’s about school lunch: If you attend a Boston public school, regardless of your income, you will receive a free breakfast, snack, lunch, and then final snack if you are in an afternoon program. That is enough calories for a single day, even if you do not have dinner.
Many cities provide free meal programs for school children, but there is often a complicated documentation system that places the burden of proof on families. More often than not, school social workers need to track down documents that are never received. Children inevitably slip through the cracks. More complex than documentation: food insecurity cannot be easily calculated on paper. Some children do not qualify who are food insecure.
Boston decided in 2013 that full bellies were as important as curriculum. Boston ditched the red tape. All children can eat their fill in the Boston public school system. Then Mayor Thomas Menino said it simply: “Every child has a right to healthy, nutritious meals in school.” He then noted the complications of the application system: “This takes the burden of proof off our low-income families and allows all children, regardless of income, to know healthy meals are waiting for them at school every day.” (BostonPublicSchools.org, BPS Offers Universal Free Meals for Every Child).
The church where I serve has partnered with a local school in Boston. The school social worker noticed that children were stuffing their pockets with food on Friday afternoon. And on Monday morning, they couldn’t get enough food into their empty bellies fast enough. Through our food pantry, Rose’s Bounty, we send children home with bags of kid friendly food each Friday to see them through the weekend.
Ever since Covid left our city locked down and our school system closed, I have worried and worried about this particular group of children. I have prayed for them, wondering if their bellies ache at night. The city of Boston has done an excellent job, as have many cities, providing food assistance through local community organizations and at central localities. Our church has offered a weekly pop up food pantry in the school recess yard to try and reach families in need. And still we know that there are children who are malnourished because they do not have the consistency of school breakfast and lunch each day.
Visible Disparity & Free Lunches
When my mom was a child growing up in Buffalo, New York, she walked home everyday for lunch. School lunches were not provided in her neighborhood school, or in most schools in the early 1940s. And without official school lunches, kids could see how hungry each other were.
In Harper Lee’s To Kill A Mockingbird, we see how this wealth disparity plays out during the school lunch. The main character, Scout, comes face to face with poverty for the first time when her older brother, Jem, invites a classmate named Walter home for lunch. At the Finch home, Walter greedily pours molasses all over his meat and vegetables to Scout’s horror. Scout, of course, does not remain quiet. Calpurnia, the Finch’s house keeper and mother of sorts, calls Scout into the kitchen and scolds her for her rude behavior. She explains to Scout that not everyone has as much to eat as Scout.
Scout's behavior is not uncommon. I remember vividly bragging about the pot of change my dad left in our kitchen for our school lunches and how my brother and I took however much we wanted (my parents didn’t know this, but they also didn’t monitor). With the extra money we bought ice cream bars and chocolate milk. A classmate was awestruck at this unrestricted access and told me her mother carefully counted out her lunch money each day. My family wanted for nothing; I learned this for the first time at school lunch.
Two things happened in America that created the school lunch programs that were the norm when I entered school in 1980. First, women began organizing. It started small, a mother noticing a child with no lunch. These mothers brought children into their homes at the noon hour and made sure they received a filling lunch. This was more common than you can imagine. Soon women were showing up at schools with pots of soup and slices of bread to make sure all the children were fed lunch. Boston led this movement and was the first school district in the country to offer lunches to all students in the late 1890s. The Boston free lunch program was led by the Women’s Educational and Industrial Union. In 1908 in Manhattan, students paid 3 cents or less for pea soup and two slices of bread offered by the Women’s Missionary Society.
Second, school lunches became federally supported immediately after World War II. Many young men drafted into World War II couldn’t fight due to malnourishment. Present Truman’s legislative response was simple: the 1946 National School Lunch Act provided affordable meals so kids could grow up to be strong soldiers and strong citizens.
The Importance of School Lunches in the Era of Pandemics
There are things we simply take for granted. They have been such a part of the common fabric of our communities that we stop noticing. During this pandemic, I have become aware of just how impactful the 1946 National School Lunch Act was on our country. In fact, I have come to realize school lunches are central to our democracy. Let me explain. My rationale is simple. I will confess that although my experience is limited, my work at the Chittick School has given me a bird’s eye view into the terrible domino effects of food insecurity on education.
Children can’t learn on empty stomachs. It’s hard for me to imagine anyone disagreeing with this statement. And an educated populace is essential to democracy. As democracy took root in America, public education became not just an ideal, but an imperative. An enlightened public, the founders believed, was essential to self-government. Thomas Jefferson wrote, “Education is the anvil against upon democracy is forged.” If education is essential to self-government, and school lunches are key to children’s ability to learn, then school lunches are central to our democracy.
I am not a public health official, and I am not challenging in any way the closure of schools. I do want, however, to offer the following observation: sitting down every day in a cafeteria with classmates, at the same table, in the same room, eating from the same lunch trays, is one of the greatest achievements of our democracy. At that cafeteria moment, we are saying to each child in America, “You matter. Your very physical well being matters. Your education matters. Your voice matters. Your experience matters. Your future matters. You are a citizen of this country and one day we will depend on you to uphold our democracy.”
When my mom was a child growing up in Buffalo, New York, she walked home everyday for lunch. School lunches were not provided in her neighborhood school, or in most schools in the early 1940s. And without official school lunches, kids could see how hungry each other were.
In Harper Lee’s To Kill A Mockingbird, we see how this wealth disparity plays out during the school lunch. The main character, Scout, comes face to face with poverty for the first time when her older brother, Jem, invites a classmate named Walter home for lunch. At the Finch home, Walter greedily pours molasses all over his meat and vegetables to Scout’s horror. Scout, of course, does not remain quiet. Calpurnia, the Finch’s house keeper and mother of sorts, calls Scout into the kitchen and scolds her for her rude behavior. She explains to Scout that not everyone has as much to eat as Scout.
Scout's behavior is not uncommon. I remember vividly bragging about the pot of change my dad left in our kitchen for our school lunches and how my brother and I took however much we wanted (my parents didn’t know this, but they also didn’t monitor). With the extra money we bought ice cream bars and chocolate milk. A classmate was awestruck at this unrestricted access and told me her mother carefully counted out her lunch money each day. My family wanted for nothing; I learned this for the first time at school lunch.
Two things happened in America that created the school lunch programs that were the norm when I entered school in 1980. First, women began organizing. It started small, a mother noticing a child with no lunch. These mothers brought children into their homes at the noon hour and made sure they received a filling lunch. This was more common than you can imagine. Soon women were showing up at schools with pots of soup and slices of bread to make sure all the children were fed lunch. Boston led this movement and was the first school district in the country to offer lunches to all students in the late 1890s. The Boston free lunch program was led by the Women’s Educational and Industrial Union. In 1908 in Manhattan, students paid 3 cents or less for pea soup and two slices of bread offered by the Women’s Missionary Society.
Second, school lunches became federally supported immediately after World War II. Many young men drafted into World War II couldn’t fight due to malnourishment. Present Truman’s legislative response was simple: the 1946 National School Lunch Act provided affordable meals so kids could grow up to be strong soldiers and strong citizens.
The Importance of School Lunches in the Era of Pandemics
There are things we simply take for granted. They have been such a part of the common fabric of our communities that we stop noticing. During this pandemic, I have become aware of just how impactful the 1946 National School Lunch Act was on our country. In fact, I have come to realize school lunches are central to our democracy. Let me explain. My rationale is simple. I will confess that although my experience is limited, my work at the Chittick School has given me a bird’s eye view into the terrible domino effects of food insecurity on education.
Children can’t learn on empty stomachs. It’s hard for me to imagine anyone disagreeing with this statement. And an educated populace is essential to democracy. As democracy took root in America, public education became not just an ideal, but an imperative. An enlightened public, the founders believed, was essential to self-government. Thomas Jefferson wrote, “Education is the anvil against upon democracy is forged.” If education is essential to self-government, and school lunches are key to children’s ability to learn, then school lunches are central to our democracy.
I am not a public health official, and I am not challenging in any way the closure of schools. I do want, however, to offer the following observation: sitting down every day in a cafeteria with classmates, at the same table, in the same room, eating from the same lunch trays, is one of the greatest achievements of our democracy. At that cafeteria moment, we are saying to each child in America, “You matter. Your very physical well being matters. Your education matters. Your voice matters. Your experience matters. Your future matters. You are a citizen of this country and one day we will depend on you to uphold our democracy.”
So why does any of this matter to a Christian Disciple?
As followers of Jesus, seeking, fighting for, and securing justice is our job description. Sister Simone Campbell said it most clearly when she asserted that salvation is communal. Therefore, justice is how we measure salvation. The measure of justice is how well we do together, as a nation. My salvation is completely tied up with a child sitting down to eat lunch. If that child is hungry, so am I. If I do not fight for justice for that child, I am not closer to salvation. Our destinies are entwined.
Jesus called all of his disciples, those who were constantly clueless, those who would deny him, those who would betray him, to eat of bread and drink of cup with him. In that upper room, Jesus made it clear there was only one table and at that table there was room for us all and there was enough for us all. Just as Simone Campbell asserts, Jesus saw salvation as a fully communal endeavor. I like to think of the Boston Public School system’s lunch rooms like Jesus’ table. Everyone is welcome. There is enough for every child. The salvation of each child at each rickety cafeteria table is forever bound up with those who sit across from them, and with me, and with you. Those women who sought free lunches for all children worked not only for our justice, but for my salvation.Thank you.
As followers of Jesus, seeking, fighting for, and securing justice is our job description. Sister Simone Campbell said it most clearly when she asserted that salvation is communal. Therefore, justice is how we measure salvation. The measure of justice is how well we do together, as a nation. My salvation is completely tied up with a child sitting down to eat lunch. If that child is hungry, so am I. If I do not fight for justice for that child, I am not closer to salvation. Our destinies are entwined.
Jesus called all of his disciples, those who were constantly clueless, those who would deny him, those who would betray him, to eat of bread and drink of cup with him. In that upper room, Jesus made it clear there was only one table and at that table there was room for us all and there was enough for us all. Just as Simone Campbell asserts, Jesus saw salvation as a fully communal endeavor. I like to think of the Boston Public School system’s lunch rooms like Jesus’ table. Everyone is welcome. There is enough for every child. The salvation of each child at each rickety cafeteria table is forever bound up with those who sit across from them, and with me, and with you. Those women who sought free lunches for all children worked not only for our justice, but for my salvation.Thank you.
Abby's Favorite from the Pandemic Year 2020
A long time ago, I used to send out my favorite recipes. With the advent of smartphones and pinterest every favorite recipe we could want is at the tip of fingers. I do still post some of my favorites on this blog, under the “Practical” tab (my favorite COVID recipes are up). Instead, this year (don’t count on it next year) I am posting my general favorites from 2020.
Pod Casts:
Did you know you can listen to podcasts while you have to do housework and everything is better…. so much better. And when you can’t sleep in the middle of the night b/c of the unrelenting stress you can drift off to a podcast and everything is better, so much better. At least the podcast stops the swirling thoughts. Okay, okay. You’ve known about this for years, but I just discovered this world and here are my top recommendations:
Books:
I’ve read so many good books this year, but my top choices hands down:
Hair:
Yes, hair. Check out the Hairstory. I am serious. My hair is healthier and best of all it takes me only 5 minutes to brush. This is a serious improvement.
Drinks:
Gin and Tonic. I have unabashedly embraced my WASP roots, and enjoy myself a gin and tonic when I can’t handle teenagers anymore. If it’s too early, try Hot Cinnamon Sunset Tea by Harney & Sons.
Green Products:
Everything in Etee. Really.
Cooking:
My best tip: cut up ten onions, 12-15 cloves of garlic, and one to two celery heads. Chop and cook all at once in a dutch oven with olive oil. Why? Because everything good starts with onions and garlic and celery (okay if you don’t like celery, leave it out). Think: red sauce, chili, shepherds pie, every soup, every casserole, every good sauce. If you have a tub of it in your fridge you don’t have to keep sweating onions every time you cook.
Pod Casts:
Did you know you can listen to podcasts while you have to do housework and everything is better…. so much better. And when you can’t sleep in the middle of the night b/c of the unrelenting stress you can drift off to a podcast and everything is better, so much better. At least the podcast stops the swirling thoughts. Okay, okay. You’ve known about this for years, but I just discovered this world and here are my top recommendations:
- Bear Creek. Fabulously creepy. Two barrels. Four bodies. And the decades-long mystery that led to a serial killer. And it all happened at a place we camp!
- Nice White Parents. Breathtakingly brilliant and disorienting. I had to do a lot of soul searching after listening.
- Dolly Parton’s America. What a beautiful escape.
- S-Town. Humans are terribly painful and beautiful, broken and whole. This story is completely off the wall and so human.
Books:
I’ve read so many good books this year, but my top choices hands down:
- The Book of Longings by Sue Monk Kidd. Stop what you are doing and read this book now. It is a modern day midrash about Jesus' assumed wife named Anna. As an aside, as someone with a master’s degree in divinity whose interest was very much the historical-sociological backdrop of the Bible, Sue Monk Kidd’s research was spot on.
- American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins. Yes there is a great deal of controversy surrounding this book. I found the read eye opening and well researched and imagined.
- The Dutch House and Commonwealth by Ann Patchett. I listened to these books, or as we say in the dyslexic world, I read them with my ears. These are by far my favorite Ann Patchett books yet. Tom Hanks narrates the Dutch House, need I say more? And I have yet to stop thinking about Commonwealth’s characters and story.
Hair:
Yes, hair. Check out the Hairstory. I am serious. My hair is healthier and best of all it takes me only 5 minutes to brush. This is a serious improvement.
Drinks:
Gin and Tonic. I have unabashedly embraced my WASP roots, and enjoy myself a gin and tonic when I can’t handle teenagers anymore. If it’s too early, try Hot Cinnamon Sunset Tea by Harney & Sons.
Green Products:
Everything in Etee. Really.
Cooking:
My best tip: cut up ten onions, 12-15 cloves of garlic, and one to two celery heads. Chop and cook all at once in a dutch oven with olive oil. Why? Because everything good starts with onions and garlic and celery (okay if you don’t like celery, leave it out). Think: red sauce, chili, shepherds pie, every soup, every casserole, every good sauce. If you have a tub of it in your fridge you don’t have to keep sweating onions every time you cook.
The Human Story
I have been shaped by the human story. My book shelves are stacked with autobiographies. My dining room hutch is adorned with teapots and dishes owned by women who have loved me and are now gone. As a pastor, people share with me their deepest stories. I am forever shaped by these encounters.
I have looked for God within the beautiful and terrible, mundane and miraculous, human story. For this reason, I have never read the Bible seeking rules, treating its words as a prescription for how to live. Instead, like a forensic scientist of relationship, I have examined the Bible’s account of individuals and communities for what it means to be human and live fully. I have savored each glimpse into a biblical story that reveals how human love transforms, hate cripples, and desperation guts. I have read and studied all in hopes that I might discover how to live in relationship with God.
Brittany Packnett Cunningham wrote in Time magazine after John Lewis’ death: “Our elders become our ancestors ... What kind of ancestors will we be? Daily, the sum of our future ancestry is being totaled. Will we choose mere words? Or, as Lewis compatriot and fellow hero the Rev. C.T. Vivian reminds us, will it be ‘in that action that we find out who we are’?”
Cunningham’s words have been a burr in my mind: elders, ancestors, futures, words, action. I have wrapped my life in the stories of others-- those I know and those I do not, those who are famous, infamous, and unknown. Their stories peek out at me from a bookshelf, call to me from verses, and even speak to me as I pour tea from a well used tea pot. Yet I have never considered how in this very moment, I am shaping the story that one day I will pass onto the next generation. I have never imagined that I am my very own story and that my story will impact the living and loving of those who follow me.
In these disorienting times it is difficult to know just how to live our story. How shall we not just post about justice, but act for justice, as C.T. Vivian urges? How will I live as a faithful disciple in a world that has branded Christianity as exclusive? How can I enact inclusive Christianity, and not just think it? My questions have led me back to the same spiritual practice: studying the human story as a road map forward. Every day I am learning how to be a better ancestor, because I am surrounded by my own saints-as-ancestors, and I live in their stories.
We can do the work we are called to do because others before us, like John Lewis, and the less famous Mr. White and Kay, have tilled the soil. For this reason, I will share with you during the coming months snippets of human stories that have shaped me, from famous leaders like John Lewis to unknown saints like Mr. White and Kay, from self-proclaimed Christians to those of other faiths--and those who were unsure of their faith. My hope is that these stories will inspire us to continue the larger human story of progress: of a society that ultimately bends toward a God of love and justice . . . even now, or especially now.
*Please look to "Spirit" tab for the continuation of this blog.
I have looked for God within the beautiful and terrible, mundane and miraculous, human story. For this reason, I have never read the Bible seeking rules, treating its words as a prescription for how to live. Instead, like a forensic scientist of relationship, I have examined the Bible’s account of individuals and communities for what it means to be human and live fully. I have savored each glimpse into a biblical story that reveals how human love transforms, hate cripples, and desperation guts. I have read and studied all in hopes that I might discover how to live in relationship with God.
Brittany Packnett Cunningham wrote in Time magazine after John Lewis’ death: “Our elders become our ancestors ... What kind of ancestors will we be? Daily, the sum of our future ancestry is being totaled. Will we choose mere words? Or, as Lewis compatriot and fellow hero the Rev. C.T. Vivian reminds us, will it be ‘in that action that we find out who we are’?”
Cunningham’s words have been a burr in my mind: elders, ancestors, futures, words, action. I have wrapped my life in the stories of others-- those I know and those I do not, those who are famous, infamous, and unknown. Their stories peek out at me from a bookshelf, call to me from verses, and even speak to me as I pour tea from a well used tea pot. Yet I have never considered how in this very moment, I am shaping the story that one day I will pass onto the next generation. I have never imagined that I am my very own story and that my story will impact the living and loving of those who follow me.
In these disorienting times it is difficult to know just how to live our story. How shall we not just post about justice, but act for justice, as C.T. Vivian urges? How will I live as a faithful disciple in a world that has branded Christianity as exclusive? How can I enact inclusive Christianity, and not just think it? My questions have led me back to the same spiritual practice: studying the human story as a road map forward. Every day I am learning how to be a better ancestor, because I am surrounded by my own saints-as-ancestors, and I live in their stories.
We can do the work we are called to do because others before us, like John Lewis, and the less famous Mr. White and Kay, have tilled the soil. For this reason, I will share with you during the coming months snippets of human stories that have shaped me, from famous leaders like John Lewis to unknown saints like Mr. White and Kay, from self-proclaimed Christians to those of other faiths--and those who were unsure of their faith. My hope is that these stories will inspire us to continue the larger human story of progress: of a society that ultimately bends toward a God of love and justice . . . even now, or especially now.
*Please look to "Spirit" tab for the continuation of this blog.
Homeschooling and Parenting During Quarantine
An Open Letter from a Pastor-Mom who is not lovin' it.
I have a few thoughts to share about education during this time of COVID-19 homeschooling isolation hell (um… did I say hell? yes!). I’ve decided to share these thoughts with you (that would be any of you who happen across this blog).
My youngest child is now 10. I’ve lived through preschool years and almost completed the elementary school years. This does not make me wise. It simply means I might have a bit more experience than some. I’m a mom who has lived through the complicated educational needs of three very different children. That said, I still parent most of the time with a “let’s see what sticks'' approach, especially now in quarantine.
Second, as a progressive christian minister, I am responsible for the spiritual education of children. Between my experiences covid-churchschooling and covid-homeschooling, I realized I had some things to say that might be helpful.
My youngest child is now 10. I’ve lived through preschool years and almost completed the elementary school years. This does not make me wise. It simply means I might have a bit more experience than some. I’m a mom who has lived through the complicated educational needs of three very different children. That said, I still parent most of the time with a “let’s see what sticks'' approach, especially now in quarantine.
Second, as a progressive christian minister, I am responsible for the spiritual education of children. Between my experiences covid-churchschooling and covid-homeschooling, I realized I had some things to say that might be helpful.
The following is the Abby maybe-helpful, maybe-not list, to guide you through and maybe beyond quarantine as your children’s educators:
The struggle is real! This is so hard. Balancing work and teaching and parenting. Balancing our own emotions in this uncertain time while being present to our children. Oy vey! (This is an excellent yiddish alternative to my favorite F word). So please be grace-filled toward yourself, your children, your community, and again and again to yourself. Pandemics are difficult. Spending a day on the couch watching movies is okay too.
- Children truly absorb and learn on their own, regardless if they are producing work or not. Please, please tell this to yourself a hundred times a day during this covid-19 time. Children are wired to learn and grow and develop. Worksheets and projects and produced material are not the only indicators of this. I know this for sure because I am the mom of a 14 year old boy who was alternatively educated until 7th grade. His alternative education, first in Montessori for eight years and then in an independent learning center for three, proved to me that children do learn even when they never bring home one piece of paper. When he entered a traditional school this year and for the first time brought home a backpack filled with papers, spent hours on homework assignments, and more, he did fine! In fact, he did better than fine. He has done amazingly well. He had been learning his entire life even if in a traditional sense he wasn’t moving from grade to grade, exposed to standard core, memorizing sight words, taking home spelling lists each week, etc. (Side note: as a dyslexic and mother of two dyslexics, spelling is a waste of time!!) Your beloved children are learning right now if they finish their online assignments or not. They are learning for sure if you take them outside and they imagine. They are learning by watching their families negotiate a difficult world situation. They are learning as they set the table, help you prepare dinner, sort their clothes for the laundry, draw a picture for a home-bound neighbor, play any game… they are learning because that is what children always do.
- The most important thing we can give our children as parent educators is delight. Yes, delight. It might also be the most important thing we can maintain in our homes during this difficult time. If learning becomes cumbersome and boring, why would children want to learn, especially at home with their parents! I still remember a moment “teaching” my girl when I had no idea that I was teaching. She was two and we were watching spring birds peck away at the soggy ground. I explained they had a home like we did: a nest. She wanted to see a nest. I took her to see an established robin’s nest filled with newly laid eggs. She screeched with pleasure. Everyday, she would ask me to return to that nest, lift her sweet body high enough so she could peer into the nest. She wanted to watch what would happen; she wanted to learn. The delight she had in discovering the life cycle of birds was not recorded on a worksheet, but inscribed in her smile. Can there be delight during math facts? Maybe? Especially while playing uno or cribbage and making up silly songs about how nine loved eight (yes I made up a song like that). If it’s not delightful, shelve it for now during quarantine.
- Cultivate your children’s emotional intelligence and well being. As a lover of children, a lover of humans, and a pastor who has observed great heartache and unfathomable joy, I believe the true key to life is emotional well being. I can tell you how well someone will weather this life, storms and joys and all, by their emotional intelligence. I don’t mean to imply I am a soothsayer or that anyone’s emotional intelligence is stuck. But rather, an individual’s emotional perception and depth is the most powerful indicator of how they will navigate life. The speed you can rattle off math facts indicates nothing besides a fast or slow processing speed. Truly. How do you cultivate your children’s emotional intelligence? I’m not sure! Here are my best suggestions: 1. Ask them how they feel. Don’t tell them how they feel and when they can’t figure it out, help them. My guess is you already do this on a regular basis. 2. Talk to them about characters in books and tv and even folks in their lives. For example, “What makes X your favorite friend to play with?” “Why were the kids mean to X in this book?” “Why did X just cry in your favorite show?” 3. Have a daily check in. Dinner usually works best. Share your highs and lows of the day and maybe even what you are grateful for. Above all, treat your children like the emotionally rich humans they already are.
- Spiritual learning is mostly just absorbing. I have been spiritually educating children and youth in some form or another for the past 24 years. I have tried many different approaches. I have attended Christian education conferences. I am ready to throw in the towel. The two most important things I have ever done to shape the religious life of the children and youth entrusted to me is taking them on mission trips and helping them attend Silver Lake Summer Camp (although I love this camp there are lots of great progressive christian summer camps out there). I have taught confirmation classes numerous times-- experiential confirmation classes with movie clips and visits to other religious services-- and that process has never had as much of an impact on my gang of kids as mission or summer camp. So what am I saying? Yes, teach your kids the stories of Jesus in particular and the Bible, but most importantly surround them with faithful community. There they will absorb what it means to live faithfully. The stories, the practices, the questions, the diving deeper will all come. My biggest goal now as a christian educator is to make sure the kids entrusted to me know that they matter because they belong to God and for that reason alone, I love them.
The struggle is real! This is so hard. Balancing work and teaching and parenting. Balancing our own emotions in this uncertain time while being present to our children. Oy vey! (This is an excellent yiddish alternative to my favorite F word). So please be grace-filled toward yourself, your children, your community, and again and again to yourself. Pandemics are difficult. Spending a day on the couch watching movies is okay too.
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Keep these words present in your hearts:
-Delight -Grace -Patience |
Keep these two comforting passages near by:
~“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest” Matthew 11 ~ “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” Isaiah 43 |
Many thanks to the Mom Brain Therapist (@mombrain.therapist) for these incredible info-graphics that I found super helpful!
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Mary's #metoo Story
I never believed Mary was a virgin. Even before I knew what “virgin” meant, I intuited there was something wrong about the word. My questions regarding Mary’s mysterious virginity were often met with whispers or “we’ll tell you when you’re older.” Later when I knew what the word virgin meant, I rejected that title for Mary even more vehemently. Mothers were a part of my daily life; in my limited experience as a child, mothers were holy regardless of their sexual status. From my own mother to my best friend's mother to the mother of the children I babysat: I knew a mother’s care was unrelated to her sexual proclivity. I suspected Mary loved her child wrapped in swaddling clothes the way all mothers I knew loved their children--deeply and devotedly. I also suspected, and later knew for a fact, that every mother did what the farm animals I saw growing up did. My mother had sex. My best friend’s mother had sex. The woman I babysat for had sex. Mary had to have had sex too. How else would she have become a mother? With no knowledge of IVF and little awareness of adoption, in my young mind, sex was a prerequisite to motherhood. Furthermore, sex did not make motherhood “yucky.” Instead, Hollywood made sex yucky. Therefore, I concluded with certainty: Mary was no virgin.
So why on God’s green earth did the gospel proclaim that Mary was a virgin? Why did the early writers of scripture think it was necessary for Mary to be a virgin? Why couldn't we believe that, like the many women before who had become pregnant, she also became pregnant via sperm and egg, the natural sequence of procreation?
I believe Mary’s pregnancy was undesired, not only by her, but by her community. Undesired (different from unwanted) pregnancies are a common occurrence. Most women unexpectedly find themselves pregnant at some point in their life. Depending on their circumstances these pregnancies range from a welcome surprise, to an inconvenience, to a deeply terrifying predicament. The factors surrounding each pregnancy are different, but for those women who find themselves terrified, it almost always has something to do with power.
In Mary’s time if an unmarried woman was found to be with child there was one course of action: stoning. And there was nowhere to flee, because anywhere she fled, the rules would be the same. Women were the property of their fathers and then their husbands. Mary was without power. So why would Mary risk having sex?
I think that Mary was raped, like so many women before and after her. As a powerless woman, she had no control over her circumstances, no protection from her attacker, no recourse to the law. Instead she was a young girl, betrothed to a man, who found herself confronting a death sentence.
Historically we know that Mary lived in an occupied country. Ancient Palestine was under Roman rule. And if we can draw any inference from other occupied countries, violence was everywhere. Palestine was kept under Roman rule through the terrifying violence of its military. The likelihood that Mary was raped by a Roman soldier is high.
My theory of Mary’s undesired pregnancy is this: like many other powerless women in Ancient Palestine, Mary was raped by a Roman soldier. She just happened to be one of the unlucky ones who became pregnant and could not blame her pregnancy on her betrothed. Thankfully for Mary, Joseph was a magnanimous and compassionate man. He protected Mary, accepted her as his wife, and spared her execution. He broke the rules in order to be kind, as would his son three decades later.
***
So what does this mean about the Christmas story? Does it make Jesus no longer God’s Son? Does it make the whole story a filthy tale of sexual power?
Why would I want to ruin the lovely story of the manger?
I don’t. In fact, I am seeking to create a story more powerful and more consistent with the Gospel. Mary’s story has taken on an entirely new meaning since I have come to believe that she, like many women, was a rape victim.
Mary's #metoo story speaks of a God who can transform violence into something whole. It is a story about the God who turns the crucifixion into the empty tomb. By nature, this same God would transform a violent rape into a magnificent child, with 10 fingers and 10 toes, wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. And God did transform the unwanted sexual violence of an abusive occupier into a beloved child. And this child would grow to be a man who preached a redeemed social order-- a social order in which the first would be last, in which the occupier would be powerless.
***
Is this really why the gospel writers chose to call Mary a virgin? Maybe. I can’t be certain, but it seems a perfect way for a male culture to hide the truth. For too long we have been hiding the insidious truth that many men use forced sex to dominate women. We have kept this secret of violence-sex-power for so long we can’t admit that maybe Mary was a victim too. So we’ve embraced her virginity and become complicit. Virginity was more believable than speaking the truth about sexual violence and harassment. But those days are done. The tide of #metoo cannot be held back any longer. And if you think there has been a tidal wave of #metoo confessions, just wait. There's a tsunami coming.
Part of the tsunami is understanding and accepting the story of Mary's pregnancy. Maybe it wasn't a Roman soldier. Maybe it was a neighbor or Mary’s father. Regardless, Mary’s pregnancy was not of her own choosing. Yet the miracle of Jesus’ birth, the wonder of Mary’s courage, the beauty of the manger are not lost. Instead, it is as powerful as the stone rolled away. We are the people of a God who turns stories upside down, who transforms violence into new beginnings, crosses into empty tombs, #metoo stories into babies who grow to preach of an entirely new social order in which the first shall be last.
***
*It is important for me to mention that I am not the first person to suggest that Mary was raped by a Roman soldier. In fact the first time I heard this theory suggested was by Donald Capps, my professor at seminary. But it dates back to Celsus, a second-century Greek opponent of Christianity.
So why on God’s green earth did the gospel proclaim that Mary was a virgin? Why did the early writers of scripture think it was necessary for Mary to be a virgin? Why couldn't we believe that, like the many women before who had become pregnant, she also became pregnant via sperm and egg, the natural sequence of procreation?
I believe Mary’s pregnancy was undesired, not only by her, but by her community. Undesired (different from unwanted) pregnancies are a common occurrence. Most women unexpectedly find themselves pregnant at some point in their life. Depending on their circumstances these pregnancies range from a welcome surprise, to an inconvenience, to a deeply terrifying predicament. The factors surrounding each pregnancy are different, but for those women who find themselves terrified, it almost always has something to do with power.
In Mary’s time if an unmarried woman was found to be with child there was one course of action: stoning. And there was nowhere to flee, because anywhere she fled, the rules would be the same. Women were the property of their fathers and then their husbands. Mary was without power. So why would Mary risk having sex?
I think that Mary was raped, like so many women before and after her. As a powerless woman, she had no control over her circumstances, no protection from her attacker, no recourse to the law. Instead she was a young girl, betrothed to a man, who found herself confronting a death sentence.
Historically we know that Mary lived in an occupied country. Ancient Palestine was under Roman rule. And if we can draw any inference from other occupied countries, violence was everywhere. Palestine was kept under Roman rule through the terrifying violence of its military. The likelihood that Mary was raped by a Roman soldier is high.
My theory of Mary’s undesired pregnancy is this: like many other powerless women in Ancient Palestine, Mary was raped by a Roman soldier. She just happened to be one of the unlucky ones who became pregnant and could not blame her pregnancy on her betrothed. Thankfully for Mary, Joseph was a magnanimous and compassionate man. He protected Mary, accepted her as his wife, and spared her execution. He broke the rules in order to be kind, as would his son three decades later.
***
So what does this mean about the Christmas story? Does it make Jesus no longer God’s Son? Does it make the whole story a filthy tale of sexual power?
Why would I want to ruin the lovely story of the manger?
I don’t. In fact, I am seeking to create a story more powerful and more consistent with the Gospel. Mary’s story has taken on an entirely new meaning since I have come to believe that she, like many women, was a rape victim.
Mary's #metoo story speaks of a God who can transform violence into something whole. It is a story about the God who turns the crucifixion into the empty tomb. By nature, this same God would transform a violent rape into a magnificent child, with 10 fingers and 10 toes, wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. And God did transform the unwanted sexual violence of an abusive occupier into a beloved child. And this child would grow to be a man who preached a redeemed social order-- a social order in which the first would be last, in which the occupier would be powerless.
***
Is this really why the gospel writers chose to call Mary a virgin? Maybe. I can’t be certain, but it seems a perfect way for a male culture to hide the truth. For too long we have been hiding the insidious truth that many men use forced sex to dominate women. We have kept this secret of violence-sex-power for so long we can’t admit that maybe Mary was a victim too. So we’ve embraced her virginity and become complicit. Virginity was more believable than speaking the truth about sexual violence and harassment. But those days are done. The tide of #metoo cannot be held back any longer. And if you think there has been a tidal wave of #metoo confessions, just wait. There's a tsunami coming.
Part of the tsunami is understanding and accepting the story of Mary's pregnancy. Maybe it wasn't a Roman soldier. Maybe it was a neighbor or Mary’s father. Regardless, Mary’s pregnancy was not of her own choosing. Yet the miracle of Jesus’ birth, the wonder of Mary’s courage, the beauty of the manger are not lost. Instead, it is as powerful as the stone rolled away. We are the people of a God who turns stories upside down, who transforms violence into new beginnings, crosses into empty tombs, #metoo stories into babies who grow to preach of an entirely new social order in which the first shall be last.
***
*It is important for me to mention that I am not the first person to suggest that Mary was raped by a Roman soldier. In fact the first time I heard this theory suggested was by Donald Capps, my professor at seminary. But it dates back to Celsus, a second-century Greek opponent of Christianity.
