Abby's Latest Blog:
LOVE your IMMIGRANT Neighbor: Practical steps to support undocumented citizens and build community
"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me" -Matthew 25:31-40
FOURTH OF FOUR BLOGS: Explain to your immigrant neighbor that they have rights regardless of their immigration status
Look to tab "Spirit" for 1st three Blogs
You are an advocate! You have created a relationship with an undocumented member of your community. You have even helped them organize their legal documents. Now it is time again to remind your undocumented neighbor that they do have rights, even though in this current political environment it feels like they do not. Teach them the following:
Know Your Rights: The ACLU emphasizes that regardless of immigration status, individuals have constitutional rights, including the right to due process, freedom from unreasonable searches and seizures, and protection from discrimination.
Your rights:
How to reduce risk to yourself if a law enforcement agent asks about your immigration status:
Additional resources
Together, we can confront this moment. We can defend our values. We can assert our power. We can protect our community. God, and time, are on our side.
Know Your Rights: The ACLU emphasizes that regardless of immigration status, individuals have constitutional rights, including the right to due process, freedom from unreasonable searches and seizures, and protection from discrimination.
Your rights:
- You have the right to remain silent and do not have to discuss your immigration or citizenship status with police, immigration agents, or other officials. Anything you tell an officer can later be used against you in immigration court.
- If you are not a U.S. citizen and an immigration agent requests your immigration papers, you must show them if you have them with you.
- If an immigration agent asks if they can search you, you have the right to say no. Agents do not have the right to search you or your belongings without your consent or probable cause.
- If you’re over 18, carry your papers with you at all times. If you don’t have them, tell the officer that you want to remain silent, or that you want to consult a lawyer before answering any questions.
How to reduce risk to yourself if a law enforcement agent asks about your immigration status:
- Stay calm. Don’t run, argue, resist, or obstruct the officer, even if you believe your rights are being violated. Keep your hands where the police can see them.
- Don’t lie about your status or provide false documents.
- If you are driving and are pulled over, the officer can require you to show your license, vehicle registration and proof of insurance, but you don’t have to answer questions about your immigration status.
Additional resources
- If you need more information, contact your local ACLU affiliate.
- National Immigration Law Center: Know Your Rights
- A Toolkit for Organizations Responding to Mass Worksite Immigration Raids
- Immigrant Legal Resource Center
- American Immigration Lawyers Association
- ACLU VIDEO: What to do if stopped by police or ICE
Together, we can confront this moment. We can defend our values. We can assert our power. We can protect our community. God, and time, are on our side.
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An Open Letter to Mothers Raising their Daughters in the Evangelical Church
Dear Mothers,
I am writing this letter because I deeply care about your daughter’s future mental and spiritual health. Raising your daughters in churches in which women are not equal to men will have a detrimental effect on their future. As a pastor, I have counselled innumerable adult women, many of whom were raised in evangelical churches. From what I have witnessed, the effects of growing up female in a patriarchal church range from eating disorders, to low self-esteem, to depression, to a rejection of faith entirely.
I am aware that many who read this letter in the Evangelical church will be quick to point out that women are celebrated in the church and deeply valued. This may be true. Yet when women are not allowed to preach or hold the senior pastor position, when their sexual behavior and physical appearance are scrutinized, then girls are not equal to boys and women are not equal to men in that church. Period.
When women and girls hear messages from men about submission, obedience, and service as sacred behavior, then they are denied their equality. And when women are denied their equality to men, they hear a single message clearly: they are not valued.
It’s a subtle devaluing that they themselves may not even recognize until their teens, twenties, or thirties. By that point, the damage is done. Such wounds will then harm their own children, perpetuating the cycle of suffering.
There are two important things you should know about me. First, I was raised in the mainline (centrist, moderate) Protestant church. This religious culture was imperfect, but it taught me that women are equal to men in all aspects of religious life. I had a male pastor growing up, but this seemed incidental. I was very aware that there were female pastors at other churches. Our small Methodist Church just happened to hire a male pastor. There were women elders and deacons, women serving communion, women leading difficult conversations, and women leading the finance committee. I knew my spiritual life, and potential for religious leadership, had nothing to do with my gender from the very beginning of my spiritual journey.
Second, as an ordained minister, I have spent a surprising amount of time and energy bearing witness to the spiritual abuse endured by women raised in the Evangelical church. I have heard these women’s stories, held their pain, absorbed their anger, assisted in the deconstruction and reconstruction of their theology At times encouraged them to leave the Christian church completely because that was their only plausible path toward healing. I have often thought that I should be on the Evangelical church’s payroll since I have spent a great deal of my professional life cleaning up its messes.
Let us begin with professional research and undeniable facts:
Facts and research are important, but stories are compelling. If you do not find the above facts sufficient to change your mind about raising your daughters in the Evangelical church, please read the stories I have collected from former evangelical women over the years of my ministry. I have changed names and details to protect the anonymity of these women.
Angela endured years of marital rape because she was her husband’s God chosen help-mate. The only thing Angela knew about sex before she was married was that she shouldn’t have it. She found herself in a controlling marriage in which sex was not a mutual experience, but one that was demanded of her. Only after years of sexual abuse did Angela realize that sex should be consensual. As a result of marital rape, Angela struggled with years of anxiety. There is no question that Angela’s story exists outside of the evangelical church. What makes her story particularly “evangelical” is that she learned from her church that women were meant to submit to their husbands and endure everything in marriage. In addition, since she never received any sexual education, she knew nothing about consent.
Sarah struggled with an undiagnosed eating disorder and anxiety from the time she was 13. Sarah never received help until she was well into her 30s. At an early age Sarah remembers the overwhelming pressure she felt to be perfect: reserved and respectful, joyful when appropriate, demure when expected, modestly dressed, and receptive to the attentions of her father and male elders above all else. But the external controls were too much, so she controlled the only thing she could: her eating. To this day she does not know how she even survived as long as she did with such extreme anxiety and so little food. When finally she was no longer able to function, her family just prayed for her. Only when her life was in immediate danger did she receive the mental health care she needed.
Jane survived years of neglect and abuse as a child. In her teenage years, she discovered belonging in an evangelical church. In many ways, this belonging saved Jane. Yet when the real work of healing from childhood trauma and neglect was needed, the church abandoned her. Why? Because they didn’t understand why she needed medication or therapy or help beyond the scope of the church. Why wasn’t she simply happy to be in their community? Why was she seeking outside healing? Was she praying enough? Only after years of therapy did she come to understand that her church offered her belonging only when she conformed to their standards of womanhood.
Kyle did not want to become a mother. She never did. She wasn’t sure she was interested in marriage either. Her church told her again and again that there must be something wrong with her. Being an “Aunt” was not a calling. All women are called to marriage and motherhood, they said. Somehow she found her way out of the evangelical church before she crumpled under the social pressure to marry someone she did not want to spend her life with.
There are more dramatic stories than these four. Stories of childhood rape at the hands of the beloved pastor, an act that was swept under the rug. Meetings with church elders in which daughters listened as their beaten mother was scolded for causing her husband’s violence. Another story that still doesn’t seem possible but is true: when a young woman came out as a lesbian to her pastor, the pastor in her presence prayed that she would die before she would share her life with a woman.
These stories might be easy to dismiss, just like the facts and research I have shared. I can imagine how easy it is to say, “Not at my church. These things don’t happen.” Everyone always thinks “this won’t happen to me,” or “this won’t happen to my daughter.” And still shouldn’t we do things to protect ourselves against the possibility of these things happening, like we would with wearing seat belts or meeting a first date in a public place?
When you are told as a girl directly or indirectly by your church that you are not equal to men, that deeply abusive and controlling narrative will come out in a multitude of ways in your adult life. Sometimes it is mental or physical health, sometimes an empty or abusive marriage, other times it has more tangible results such as poverty as a result of fewer educational and professional opportunities. Only a few escape unscathed. And everyone of those unscathed “happy” evangelical women will tell you how wonderful the church is. The women who have left will remain silent and afraid.
There is one final result of raising your daughter in the Evangelical church that few people seem to note: your daughter will most likely not attend church as an adult. She will live a life outside of a faith community because it will be the only option she believes is possible for her freedom.
In closing, why am I writing to you? Why not write to the male leaders of these patriarchal and often abusive churches? The answer is simple: most of them won’t listen but you might.
Do what is best for your daughters. Do not be paralyzed by shame or guilt. Do not let your own evangelical church control you or keep you from freeing your daughter. Don’t worry about letting down the members of your church who will call you every week after you stop attending or demand a “biblical” reasoning for why you are leaving. Do what is best for your daughters, especially because no one ever did it for you.
Be brave. Do not be afraid. Say ‘no more’ to this oppressive culture, because you want better for your daughter(s). And if the church rejects you, if you lose friendships, doesn’t that in itself speak to the kind of people they are? Did Jesus teach us that God is control, or did Jesus teach us that God is Love?
And if ultimately you feel isolated and scared, reach out to me. I can put you in touch with lots of amazing women who will keep you company through this painful but ultimately liberating process. Healing and wholeness await. God wants them for you, and a good, progressive church--one that treats all genders equally--can help you get there. Let it be.
I am writing this letter because I deeply care about your daughter’s future mental and spiritual health. Raising your daughters in churches in which women are not equal to men will have a detrimental effect on their future. As a pastor, I have counselled innumerable adult women, many of whom were raised in evangelical churches. From what I have witnessed, the effects of growing up female in a patriarchal church range from eating disorders, to low self-esteem, to depression, to a rejection of faith entirely.
I am aware that many who read this letter in the Evangelical church will be quick to point out that women are celebrated in the church and deeply valued. This may be true. Yet when women are not allowed to preach or hold the senior pastor position, when their sexual behavior and physical appearance are scrutinized, then girls are not equal to boys and women are not equal to men in that church. Period.
When women and girls hear messages from men about submission, obedience, and service as sacred behavior, then they are denied their equality. And when women are denied their equality to men, they hear a single message clearly: they are not valued.
It’s a subtle devaluing that they themselves may not even recognize until their teens, twenties, or thirties. By that point, the damage is done. Such wounds will then harm their own children, perpetuating the cycle of suffering.
There are two important things you should know about me. First, I was raised in the mainline (centrist, moderate) Protestant church. This religious culture was imperfect, but it taught me that women are equal to men in all aspects of religious life. I had a male pastor growing up, but this seemed incidental. I was very aware that there were female pastors at other churches. Our small Methodist Church just happened to hire a male pastor. There were women elders and deacons, women serving communion, women leading difficult conversations, and women leading the finance committee. I knew my spiritual life, and potential for religious leadership, had nothing to do with my gender from the very beginning of my spiritual journey.
Second, as an ordained minister, I have spent a surprising amount of time and energy bearing witness to the spiritual abuse endured by women raised in the Evangelical church. I have heard these women’s stories, held their pain, absorbed their anger, assisted in the deconstruction and reconstruction of their theology At times encouraged them to leave the Christian church completely because that was their only plausible path toward healing. I have often thought that I should be on the Evangelical church’s payroll since I have spent a great deal of my professional life cleaning up its messes.
Let us begin with professional research and undeniable facts:
- Church attendance has declined among younger women far faster than young men. Just search the above phrase and you will come up with lots of results. Surveys of female “exvangelicals” (those who have left the Evangelical church) reveal that sexual abuse scandals, female disempowerment, and an ongoing insistence on the submission of women to men are driving women out of church, and frequently out of faith itself as well as into abusive relationships and marriages.
- Multiple studies have found that self-esteem is highly correlated with lots of good things, and low self-esteem is correlated with lots of bad things. People with high self-esteem have better relationships, less anxiety, and more hope for the future. Numerous studies suggest that the presence of female clergy in a young woman's life can effectively eliminate the existing self-esteem gap observed between genders. UCA Insights
- Girls raised in evangelical churches that restrict leadership roles to men may not experience the benefits of higher self-esteem, potentially due to the lack of female role models in positions of authority. This disparity highlights the significant impact that female clergy can have on the psychological and educational development of young women. Authentic Theology 2018
- Churches that exclude women from meaningful religious leadership are facing the greatest number of sexual abuse criminal charges. There are too many articles to reference. Just search Southern Baptist Convention Sexual Abuse. Read for yourself.
- HERE’S THE GOOD NEWS: Girls who had female clergy as role models during their upbringing exhibit higher self-esteem, better educational outcomes, and improved employment prospects compared to those who did not. This assertion is detailed in the 2018 book She Preached the Word: Women's Ordination in Modern America by political scientists Benjamin Knoll and Cammie Jo Bolin. Religion News
- HERE’S MORE GOOD NEWS: Boys who had female clergy did not report lower self-esteem, possibly because churches that ordain women to leadership also include men in a variety of leadership positions.
Facts and research are important, but stories are compelling. If you do not find the above facts sufficient to change your mind about raising your daughters in the Evangelical church, please read the stories I have collected from former evangelical women over the years of my ministry. I have changed names and details to protect the anonymity of these women.
Angela endured years of marital rape because she was her husband’s God chosen help-mate. The only thing Angela knew about sex before she was married was that she shouldn’t have it. She found herself in a controlling marriage in which sex was not a mutual experience, but one that was demanded of her. Only after years of sexual abuse did Angela realize that sex should be consensual. As a result of marital rape, Angela struggled with years of anxiety. There is no question that Angela’s story exists outside of the evangelical church. What makes her story particularly “evangelical” is that she learned from her church that women were meant to submit to their husbands and endure everything in marriage. In addition, since she never received any sexual education, she knew nothing about consent.
Sarah struggled with an undiagnosed eating disorder and anxiety from the time she was 13. Sarah never received help until she was well into her 30s. At an early age Sarah remembers the overwhelming pressure she felt to be perfect: reserved and respectful, joyful when appropriate, demure when expected, modestly dressed, and receptive to the attentions of her father and male elders above all else. But the external controls were too much, so she controlled the only thing she could: her eating. To this day she does not know how she even survived as long as she did with such extreme anxiety and so little food. When finally she was no longer able to function, her family just prayed for her. Only when her life was in immediate danger did she receive the mental health care she needed.
Jane survived years of neglect and abuse as a child. In her teenage years, she discovered belonging in an evangelical church. In many ways, this belonging saved Jane. Yet when the real work of healing from childhood trauma and neglect was needed, the church abandoned her. Why? Because they didn’t understand why she needed medication or therapy or help beyond the scope of the church. Why wasn’t she simply happy to be in their community? Why was she seeking outside healing? Was she praying enough? Only after years of therapy did she come to understand that her church offered her belonging only when she conformed to their standards of womanhood.
Kyle did not want to become a mother. She never did. She wasn’t sure she was interested in marriage either. Her church told her again and again that there must be something wrong with her. Being an “Aunt” was not a calling. All women are called to marriage and motherhood, they said. Somehow she found her way out of the evangelical church before she crumpled under the social pressure to marry someone she did not want to spend her life with.
There are more dramatic stories than these four. Stories of childhood rape at the hands of the beloved pastor, an act that was swept under the rug. Meetings with church elders in which daughters listened as their beaten mother was scolded for causing her husband’s violence. Another story that still doesn’t seem possible but is true: when a young woman came out as a lesbian to her pastor, the pastor in her presence prayed that she would die before she would share her life with a woman.
These stories might be easy to dismiss, just like the facts and research I have shared. I can imagine how easy it is to say, “Not at my church. These things don’t happen.” Everyone always thinks “this won’t happen to me,” or “this won’t happen to my daughter.” And still shouldn’t we do things to protect ourselves against the possibility of these things happening, like we would with wearing seat belts or meeting a first date in a public place?
When you are told as a girl directly or indirectly by your church that you are not equal to men, that deeply abusive and controlling narrative will come out in a multitude of ways in your adult life. Sometimes it is mental or physical health, sometimes an empty or abusive marriage, other times it has more tangible results such as poverty as a result of fewer educational and professional opportunities. Only a few escape unscathed. And everyone of those unscathed “happy” evangelical women will tell you how wonderful the church is. The women who have left will remain silent and afraid.
There is one final result of raising your daughter in the Evangelical church that few people seem to note: your daughter will most likely not attend church as an adult. She will live a life outside of a faith community because it will be the only option she believes is possible for her freedom.
In closing, why am I writing to you? Why not write to the male leaders of these patriarchal and often abusive churches? The answer is simple: most of them won’t listen but you might.
Do what is best for your daughters. Do not be paralyzed by shame or guilt. Do not let your own evangelical church control you or keep you from freeing your daughter. Don’t worry about letting down the members of your church who will call you every week after you stop attending or demand a “biblical” reasoning for why you are leaving. Do what is best for your daughters, especially because no one ever did it for you.
Be brave. Do not be afraid. Say ‘no more’ to this oppressive culture, because you want better for your daughter(s). And if the church rejects you, if you lose friendships, doesn’t that in itself speak to the kind of people they are? Did Jesus teach us that God is control, or did Jesus teach us that God is Love?
And if ultimately you feel isolated and scared, reach out to me. I can put you in touch with lots of amazing women who will keep you company through this painful but ultimately liberating process. Healing and wholeness await. God wants them for you, and a good, progressive church--one that treats all genders equally--can help you get there. Let it be.
I've started a Podcast...
The Progressive Sacred. Authentic conversations about Christianity we all want to have, but are afraid to begin.
Have you ever gotten a look in Bible study when you bring up an alternative interpretation of the text? Have you ever left a church because their view of christianity was too rigid, but miss practicing your faith? Have you ever secretly identified as Christian but are positive you have nothing in common with 90% of the Christian faith presented in the media? If so, this Podcast is for you. Each episode is a fearless conversation about a difficult topic in the Christian church and in our larger culture.
Have you ever gotten a look in Bible study when you bring up an alternative interpretation of the text? Have you ever left a church because their view of christianity was too rigid, but miss practicing your faith? Have you ever secretly identified as Christian but are positive you have nothing in common with 90% of the Christian faith presented in the media? If so, this Podcast is for you. Each episode is a fearless conversation about a difficult topic in the Christian church and in our larger culture.
THE PTJ Crew. Meet the three people who make up the PTJ Crew. That would be the Preacher (Abby), and Theologian (Jon Paul Sydnor) and a guy named Julio. Someone how these three folks (two through marriage) have decided that working on a podcast together is exactly what they need to be doing. But how and why is something more complicated to explain. Listen to Podcast #0 to learn a bit more behind the origin of this crew and the development of the Progressive Sacred.
Spoiler Alert:
A Preacher, a theologian, and a guy named Julio walk into a bar…
Spoiler Alert:
A Preacher, a theologian, and a guy named Julio walk into a bar…
Mary's #metoo Story
I never believed Mary was a virgin. Even before I knew what “virgin” meant, I intuited there was something wrong about the word. My questions regarding Mary’s mysterious virginity were often met with whispers or “we’ll tell you when you’re older.” Later when I knew what the word virgin meant, I rejected that title for Mary even more vehemently. Mothers were a part of my daily life; in my limited experience as a child, mothers were holy regardless of their sexual status. From my own mother to my best friend's mother to the mother of the children I babysat: I knew a mother’s care was unrelated to her sexual proclivity. I suspected Mary loved her child wrapped in swaddling clothes the way all mothers I knew loved their children--deeply and devotedly. I also suspected, and later knew for a fact, that every mother did what the farm animals I saw growing up did. My mother had sex. My best friend’s mother had sex. The woman I babysat for had sex. Mary had to have had sex too. How else would she have become a mother? With no knowledge of IVF and little awareness of adoption, in my young mind, sex was a prerequisite to motherhood. Furthermore, sex did not make motherhood “yucky.” Instead, Hollywood made sex yucky. Therefore, I concluded with certainty: Mary was no virgin.
So why on God’s green earth did the gospel proclaim that Mary was a virgin? Why did the early writers of scripture think it was necessary for Mary to be a virgin? Why couldn't we believe that, like the many women before who had become pregnant, she also became pregnant via sperm and egg, the natural sequence of procreation?
I believe Mary’s pregnancy was undesired, not only by her, but by her community. Undesired (different from unwanted) pregnancies are a common occurrence. Most women unexpectedly find themselves pregnant at some point in their life. Depending on their circumstances these pregnancies range from a welcome surprise, to an inconvenience, to a deeply terrifying predicament. The factors surrounding each pregnancy are different, but for those women who find themselves terrified, it almost always has something to do with power.
In Mary’s time if an unmarried woman was found to be with child there was one course of action: stoning. And there was nowhere to flee, because anywhere she fled, the rules would be the same. Women were the property of their fathers and then their husbands. Mary was without power. So why would Mary risk having sex?
I think that Mary was raped, like so many women before and after her. As a powerless woman, she had no control over her circumstances, no protection from her attacker, no recourse to the law. Instead she was a young girl, betrothed to a man, who found herself confronting a death sentence.
Historically we know that Mary lived in an occupied country. Ancient Palestine was under Roman rule. And if we can draw any inference from other occupied countries, violence was everywhere. Palestine was kept under Roman rule through the terrifying violence of its military. The likelihood that Mary was raped by a Roman soldier is high.
My theory of Mary’s undesired pregnancy is this: like many other powerless women in Ancient Palestine, Mary was raped by a Roman soldier. She just happened to be one of the unlucky ones who became pregnant and could not blame her pregnancy on her betrothed. Thankfully for Mary, Joseph was a magnanimous and compassionate man. He protected Mary, accepted her as his wife, and spared her execution. He broke the rules in order to be kind, as would his son three decades later.
***
So what does this mean about the Christmas story? Does it make Jesus no longer God’s Son? Does it make the whole story a filthy tale of sexual power?
Why would I want to ruin the lovely story of the manger?
I don’t. In fact, I am seeking to create a story more powerful and more consistent with the Gospel. Mary’s story has taken on an entirely new meaning since I have come to believe that she, like many women, was a rape victim.
Mary's #metoo story speaks of a God who can transform violence into something whole. It is a story about the God who turns the crucifixion into the empty tomb. By nature, this same God would transform a violent rape into a magnificent child, with 10 fingers and 10 toes, wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. And God did transform the unwanted sexual violence of an abusive occupier into a beloved child. And this child would grow to be a man who preached a redeemed social order-- a social order in which the first would be last, in which the occupier would be powerless.
***
Is this really why the gospel writers chose to call Mary a virgin? Maybe. I can’t be certain, but it seems a perfect way for a male culture to hide the truth. For too long we have been hiding the insidious truth that many men use forced sex to dominate women. We have kept this secret of violence-sex-power for so long we can’t admit that maybe Mary was a victim too. So we’ve embraced her virginity and become complicit. Virginity was more believable than speaking the truth about sexual violence and harassment. But those days are done. The tide of #metoo cannot be held back any longer. And if you think there has been a tidal wave of #metoo confessions, just wait. There's a tsunami coming.
Part of the tsunami is understanding and accepting the story of Mary's pregnancy. Maybe it wasn't a Roman soldier. Maybe it was a neighbor or Mary’s father. Regardless, Mary’s pregnancy was not of her own choosing. Yet the miracle of Jesus’ birth, the wonder of Mary’s courage, the beauty of the manger are not lost. Instead, it is as powerful as the stone rolled away. We are the people of a God who turns stories upside down, who transforms violence into new beginnings, crosses into empty tombs, #metoo stories into babies who grow to preach of an entirely new social order in which the first shall be last.
***
*It is important for me to mention that I am not the first person to suggest that Mary was raped by a Roman soldier. In fact the first time I heard this theory suggested was by Donald Capps, my professor at seminary. But it dates back to Celsus, a second-century Greek opponent of Christianity.
So why on God’s green earth did the gospel proclaim that Mary was a virgin? Why did the early writers of scripture think it was necessary for Mary to be a virgin? Why couldn't we believe that, like the many women before who had become pregnant, she also became pregnant via sperm and egg, the natural sequence of procreation?
I believe Mary’s pregnancy was undesired, not only by her, but by her community. Undesired (different from unwanted) pregnancies are a common occurrence. Most women unexpectedly find themselves pregnant at some point in their life. Depending on their circumstances these pregnancies range from a welcome surprise, to an inconvenience, to a deeply terrifying predicament. The factors surrounding each pregnancy are different, but for those women who find themselves terrified, it almost always has something to do with power.
In Mary’s time if an unmarried woman was found to be with child there was one course of action: stoning. And there was nowhere to flee, because anywhere she fled, the rules would be the same. Women were the property of their fathers and then their husbands. Mary was without power. So why would Mary risk having sex?
I think that Mary was raped, like so many women before and after her. As a powerless woman, she had no control over her circumstances, no protection from her attacker, no recourse to the law. Instead she was a young girl, betrothed to a man, who found herself confronting a death sentence.
Historically we know that Mary lived in an occupied country. Ancient Palestine was under Roman rule. And if we can draw any inference from other occupied countries, violence was everywhere. Palestine was kept under Roman rule through the terrifying violence of its military. The likelihood that Mary was raped by a Roman soldier is high.
My theory of Mary’s undesired pregnancy is this: like many other powerless women in Ancient Palestine, Mary was raped by a Roman soldier. She just happened to be one of the unlucky ones who became pregnant and could not blame her pregnancy on her betrothed. Thankfully for Mary, Joseph was a magnanimous and compassionate man. He protected Mary, accepted her as his wife, and spared her execution. He broke the rules in order to be kind, as would his son three decades later.
***
So what does this mean about the Christmas story? Does it make Jesus no longer God’s Son? Does it make the whole story a filthy tale of sexual power?
Why would I want to ruin the lovely story of the manger?
I don’t. In fact, I am seeking to create a story more powerful and more consistent with the Gospel. Mary’s story has taken on an entirely new meaning since I have come to believe that she, like many women, was a rape victim.
Mary's #metoo story speaks of a God who can transform violence into something whole. It is a story about the God who turns the crucifixion into the empty tomb. By nature, this same God would transform a violent rape into a magnificent child, with 10 fingers and 10 toes, wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. And God did transform the unwanted sexual violence of an abusive occupier into a beloved child. And this child would grow to be a man who preached a redeemed social order-- a social order in which the first would be last, in which the occupier would be powerless.
***
Is this really why the gospel writers chose to call Mary a virgin? Maybe. I can’t be certain, but it seems a perfect way for a male culture to hide the truth. For too long we have been hiding the insidious truth that many men use forced sex to dominate women. We have kept this secret of violence-sex-power for so long we can’t admit that maybe Mary was a victim too. So we’ve embraced her virginity and become complicit. Virginity was more believable than speaking the truth about sexual violence and harassment. But those days are done. The tide of #metoo cannot be held back any longer. And if you think there has been a tidal wave of #metoo confessions, just wait. There's a tsunami coming.
Part of the tsunami is understanding and accepting the story of Mary's pregnancy. Maybe it wasn't a Roman soldier. Maybe it was a neighbor or Mary’s father. Regardless, Mary’s pregnancy was not of her own choosing. Yet the miracle of Jesus’ birth, the wonder of Mary’s courage, the beauty of the manger are not lost. Instead, it is as powerful as the stone rolled away. We are the people of a God who turns stories upside down, who transforms violence into new beginnings, crosses into empty tombs, #metoo stories into babies who grow to preach of an entirely new social order in which the first shall be last.
***
*It is important for me to mention that I am not the first person to suggest that Mary was raped by a Roman soldier. In fact the first time I heard this theory suggested was by Donald Capps, my professor at seminary. But it dates back to Celsus, a second-century Greek opponent of Christianity.
