An Open Letter from a Pastor-Mom who is not Lovin' homeschooling

I have a few thoughts to share about education during this time of COVID-19 homeschooling isolation hell (um… did I say hell? yes!). I’ve decided to share these thoughts with you (that would be any of you who happen across this blog). 

My youngest child is now 10. I’ve lived through preschool years and almost completed the elementary school years. This does not make me wise. It simply means I might have a bit more experience than some. I’m a mom who has lived through the complicated educational needs of three very different children. That said, I still parent most of the time with a “let’s see what sticks'' approach, especially now in quarantine. 

Second, as a progressive christian minister, I am responsible for the spiritual education of children. Between my experiences covid-churchschooling and covid-homeschooling, I realized I had some things to say that might be helpful.  

The following is the Abby maybe-helpful, maybe-not list, to guide you through and maybe beyond quarantine as your children’s educators:

1. Children truly absorb and learn on their own, regardless if they are producing work or not. Please, please tell this to yourself a hundred times a day during this covid-19 time. Children are wired to learn and grow and develop. Worksheets and projects and produced material are not the only indicators of this. I know this for sure because I am the mom of a 14 year old boy who was alternatively educated until 7th grade. His alternative education, first in Montessori for eight years and then in an independent learning center for three, proved to me that children do learn even when they never bring home one piece of paper. When he entered a traditional school this year and for the first time brought home a backpack filled with papers, spent hours on homework assignments, and more, he did fine! In fact, he did better than fine. He has done amazingly well. He had been learning his entire life even if in a traditional sense he wasn’t moving from grade to grade, exposed to standard core, memorizing sight words, taking home spelling lists each week, etc. (Side note: as a dyslexic and mother of two dyslexics, spelling is a waste of time!!) Your beloved children are learning right now if they finish their online assignments or not. They are learning for sure if you take them outside and they imagine. They are learning by watching their families negotiate a difficult world situation. They are learning as they set the table, help you prepare dinner, sort their clothes for the laundry, draw a picture for a home-bound neighbor, play any game… they are learning because that is what children always do. 
2. The most important thing we can give our children as parent educators is delight. Yes, delight. It might also be the most important thing we can maintain in our homes during this difficult time. If learning becomes cumbersome and boring, why would children want to learn, especially at home with their parents! I still remember a moment “teaching” my girl when I had no idea that I was teaching. She was two and we were watching spring birds peck away at the soggy ground. I explained they had a home like we did: a nest. She wanted to see a nest. I took her to see an established robin’s nest filled with newly laid eggs. She screeched with pleasure. Everyday, she would ask me to return to that nest, lift her sweet body high enough so she could peer into the nest. She wanted to watch what would happen; she wanted to learn. The delight she had in discovering the life cycle of birds was not recorded on a worksheet, but inscribed in her smile. Can there be delight during math facts? Maybe? Especially while playing uno or cribbage and making up silly songs about how nine loved eight (yes I made up a song like that). If it’s not delightful, shelve it for now during quarantine.
3. Cultivate your children’s emotional intelligence and well being. As a lover of children, a lover of humans, and a pastor who has observed great heartache and unfathomable joy, I believe the true key to life is emotional well being. I can tell you how well someone will weather this life, storms and joys and all, by their emotional intelligence. I don’t mean to imply I am a soothsayer or that anyone’s emotional intelligence is stuck. But rather, an individual’s emotional perception and depth is the most powerful indicator of how they will navigate life. The speed you can rattle off math facts indicates nothing besides a fast or slow processing speed. Truly. How do you cultivate your children’s emotional intelligence? I’m not sure! Here are my best suggestions: 1. Ask them how they feel. Don’t tell them how they feel and when they can’t figure it out, help them. My guess is you already do this on a regular basis.  2. Talk to them about characters in books and tv and even folks in their lives. For example, “What makes X your favorite friend to play with?” “Why were the kids mean to X in this book?” “Why did X just cry in your favorite show?” 3. Have a daily check in. Dinner usually works best. Share your highs and lows of the day and maybe even what you are grateful for. Above all, treat your children like the emotionally rich humans they already are.  
4. Spiritual learning is mostly just absorbing. I have been spiritually educating children and youth in some form or another for the past 24 years. I have tried many different approaches. I have attended Christian education conferences. I am ready to throw in the towel. The two most important things I have ever done to shape the religious life of the children and youth entrusted to me is taking them on mission trips and helping them attend Silver Lake Summer Camp (although I love this camp there are lots of great progressive christian summer camps out there). I have taught confirmation classes numerous times-- experiential confirmation classes with movie clips and visits to other religious services-- and that process has never had as much of an impact on my gang of kids as mission or summer camp. So what am I saying? Yes, teach your kids the stories of Jesus in particular and the Bible, but most importantly surround them with faithful community. There they will absorb what it means to live faithfully. The stories, the practices, the questions, the diving deeper will all come. My biggest goal now as a christian educator is to make sure the kids entrusted to me know that they matter because they belong to God and for that reason alone, I love them.  

The struggle is real! This is so hard. Balancing work and teaching and parenting. Balancing our own emotions in this uncertain time while being present to our children. Oy vey! (This is an excellent yiddish alternative to my favorite F word since we aren't suppose to be using that word so much now that the kids are around). So please be grace-filled toward yourself, your children, your community, and again and again to yourself. Pandemics are difficult. Spending a day on the couch watching movies is okay too. 

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Keep these words present in your hearts:
-Delight
-Grace
-Patience

Keep these two comforting passages near:
~“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest” Matthew 11
~ “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” Isaiah 43
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MANY thanks to @mombrain.therapist for these super helpful info-graphics.